IMO your looking at at least two different guns. For home defense a shotgun is best if you ask me. A good CC weapon for any woman that is going to carry it in her purse a hammerless revolver, s&w or ruger are great, plus very very reliable and very easy to operate.
With that being said if your set on one gun and don't want a 9mm bit still something smaller and easy to carry, I am a big fan of Springfield and they have many different calibers and sizes. I carry the xdm on and off duty and have a xd .45 at the house incase the wife needs it. I have never had a problem with any of my Springfields and all 3 have had thousands of rounds through them
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